Sunday, 16 June 2013

Mama Lyf: 9 Months x 2

It's a great milestone for me right now: 9 Months In & 9 Months Out.

Baby Darling has been outside the same time as inside, this weekend. There's all the feelings bubbling around this and it's a milestone for me, more than him. Back when he was born, I said to myself I bet it'll take another 9 months for my body to feel like mine again ... or as close to 'normal'... as pregnancy is ever expanding and your body is boiling with blood and hormones and just 'growth' stuff.

Sometimes I remember bits of the pregnancy, but it really isn't a familiar feeling now. I can't remember being so hot and itchy (I had to take a shower as soon as I got home from work, as I felt itchy from the clothing all day) and I can't remember the flutters or kicks as clearly. What a freaking strange thing to feel from the inside! I love it now when my pregnant friend grabs my hand to feel her unborn child's kicks. WHOA.

These last 9 months, of having a real life baby human, to look at, to hold, to care for, has really been amazing, and again... it's all the things: you feel or don't feel, it's our lives but new lives. We do the same things but with tears of disbelief and more often laughter in our eyes. Simple things are sometimes so amplified with importance and the second later, that feeling is gone. Sometimes, I hear my inner voice telling me all these things and I just have no time to write my voice down... if I did I'd be writing mountains and rivers and lakes full of my emotions and happiness and sadness and joy in every detail - all the crazed things. Nine months has been a blur, but it also feels like 10 years of knowing someone squeezed into this time.

I often wondered while pregnant, how do you automatically love someone you just meet, when you have a baby. We didn't know if Baby Darling was a boy or girl, but I mostly wondered 'Who are you?' and 'How will I love you?'... and the love or care it isn't automatic... it isn't straight away. For me, there was a HUGE fascination and wonderment at a FREAKING new tiny human being. And it was the growing and learning about life and humanity together that I knew him... and adored and liked and then loved him. People say to you 'You know your baby best', and I was like 'Do I?'... and maybe now I'm looking back at 9 months and yep, I did and I do.

On the physical side (and I'm a practical person a lot of the time, so the physical and being it touch with my body is practical for me. I love the science or biology of this time), I set a goal that I'd hope to 'feel' my body return to the normal at 9 months. And around 7 months I felt my hips return or shift... they expanded a lot to help Baby Darling grow... and now, my back feels good, my tailbone feels good, my legs and arms feel good (um, he's totally plateaued at 10 kilograms - yay!) ... and I have a feeling I'm loving myself sick again! What a great little body I have! I don't care if my boobs are different or my tummy is a bit floppy, what do they say? Marks of motherhood, and I own that completely!

Thanks for reading my philosophies & ramblings!

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